Grad School Interview Version 1.0

Today I got a call to be scheduled for an interview with the grad program I applied for. I've been researching what kind of questions to expect and the level of expectation coming into this interview is HIGH. Like, more is put on this interview than ANY job interview I've had. So to take a break from stressing out over how I'm going to answer these questions, I decided to make a mock-up to help myself cope. Perhaps looking at the worse case scenario first will lead to realizing the best case scenario!?

Typical Interview Questions

1. Why do you want to become a clinical psychologist?
Oh. Is that what I'll be? Hmm. Yeah let me think about that for a minute. Now, are those the people that get to write prescriptions for Xanax? I do like me some Xanax now and I betcha I'd be a pretty popular girl if I could pass the happy pills out to my friends. Hey, good call on this one!

2. What other schools have you applied for?
Well, none, technically. See, I made the decision to apply for this program on a whim. Up until now, I was dead set on having nothing to do with people as they annoy the crap out of me. But I was sitting at home in December thinking to myself, "Do you want to keep books for the rest of your life? No. Hey look - UNCC grad school. Why the heck not?"

3. Why did you get a poor grade in College Algebra?
Well my professor got off the plane from Russia and walked directly into our class to teach. I might have better understood him if he taught Algebra using a series of clicks and whistles than his so-called English. And he always wore the same clothes and smelled like the underbelly of a cockroach. This made for a hostile learning environment. I felt it best to stop going to the class, take a failing grade and pursue, intensively, A's in my remaining courses.

4. Did you participate in any special projects in college?
Heh. Boy did I ever.

5. Why do you think you are better suited for admission than your classmates?
I feel that, overall, I am superior to most people I come in contact with. I trust that given enough time with me, you will come to share this conclusion.

6. What has been your most significant accomplishment to date?
I haven't really dated any accomplishments per se, overall I tend to have pretty bad taste in men.

7. Describe any research project you’ve worked on.
I helped paint the backs of honey bees. Then I cut out the digestive glands of oysters and weighed them. What does this have to do with psychology? Oh. Um. Yeah I don't know.

8. What will you do if you are not accepted?
I guess I'll move in with my parents and develop a drug habit. Maybe have an illegitimate child or two so I can collect government money on them.

9. How do you rank among other students in your major at your school?
SUPERSTAH!!!!!

10. Have you ever worked with people, and if so in what capacity?
I find working with people to be highly overrated. My experience tells me that I can achieve twice the work in half the time by simply doing it myself and cutting corners. Then there's no need for artificial conversation and niceties.

11. What made you apply to our school?
My-mother-told-me-to-pick-the-very-last-one-and-you-were IT!

12. What are your weaknesses?
Well let's see... I talk too much, I don't listen enough, I speed, I don't always check my oil level at every other fill-up, I tend to have problems with authority figures, I like soft drinks, I vacuum maybe every 3-4 weeks, I don't save money, I have a tendency to stop and watch VH1 and I don't back my files up on a regular basis.

13. How do you see yourself ten years from now?
Blissfully married to a Greek orphan chef that barely speaks a word of English but endlessly admires my resplendent beauty and compares me to the statues of Aphrodite in his home land. Did I mention he was left an immeasurable fortune by his late parents, RIP?

14. What message would you like me to convey to the admission committee on your
behalf?
Uh... let her in?

15. What were your most favorite and least favorite courses in college?
My most favorite were the ones I could show up for roughly half the classes and still get an A. Gotta love those professors that just dance while you sing for them. My least favorite course was Research Methods because my professor, Dr. Cann, was just the Human Yawn.. oh. Hi Dr. Cann. I didn't realize you were on the Graduate Panel...